Just fro laughs

Three guys are sitting in a bar.
The first bloke says "I bought my wife something which goes from 0 to
100 in 6 seconds"
The other 2 guys don't know what he's talking about so he reveals, "I
bought her a nice Porsche"
The second guy says: "I bought my wife something which goes from 0 to
100 in 4 seconds"
One of the others, who knows his cars, answers, "That HAS to be a
Ferrari -right?"
"Yeah that's right! I bought my wife a nice red Ferrari"
The third one says "I bought my wife something which goes from 0 to
100 in just 2 seconds."
"THAT CANT BE - The Ferrari is the fastest car in the world?!"
"Well - it's not a car," he answers.
Can you guess what it was he bought her? See the attached picture.



Never argue with a child

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a
whale to swallow a human because even though it
was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a
whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could
not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will
ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah
went to hell?" The little girl replied," Then you
ask him".
__________________________________________

The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a
copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it
will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say,' There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'that's
Michael. He's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back
of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher.
She's dead."
__________________________________________

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of
the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she
said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood,
as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red
in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my
feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't
empty."
__________________________________________

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a
Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head
of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple
tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other
end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip
cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all You
want. God is watching the apples!"

The Equation:

7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!

Plan For Future:

Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.

Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!

Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"

Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom

Delivered:

Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to
his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Four brothers left home for college, and eventually,
they became successful doctors and lawyers and
prospered. Some years later, they chatted after
having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that
they were able to give to their elderly mother who
lived far away in another city.

The first son said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred-thousand-dollar
theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver
to her an SL 600."
The fourth said, " Listen to this. You know how
Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't
read it anymore because she can't see very well. I met
this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite
the entire Bible. It took 20 priests, 12 years to
teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a
year for 20 years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama
just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot
will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays, Mom sent out her Thank You
notes.
She wrote :" Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live
in only one room, but I have to clean the whole
house.
Thanks anyway."

" Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I
have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes.
The thought was good nonetheless. Thanks."
"Michael, you give me an expensive theater with Dolby
sound ; it could hold 50 people, but all my
friends are dead. I've also lost my hearing, and I'm
nearly blind.
I'll never use it. But thank you for the gesture,
just the same."
" Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have
the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.
The chicken was delicious. Thank you ! "

A Doctor was addressing a large audience .
"The material we put into our stomachs is
enough
to have killed most of us sitting here, years
ago. Red meat is awful.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us
realizes the
long-term harm caused by the germs in our
drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous
of all and we all have,
or
will, eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that
causes the most grief
and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old
man in the front row

raised his hand, and softly said "Wedding
Cake."