Please fill your application form;

NAME: Canon
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at last one who will cooperate)
DESRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, what eve’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PERVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILBALE TO WORK: Any!
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3;30 pm. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50Ibs: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITIO?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job – No! On my breaks – Yes!
WHAT WOYLD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDAGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.