Change in company policy

Change our Company Policy

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy,
Our Management has decided to implement a scheme toput workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to beeligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After ForcedTermination) .
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED willbe reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering RetiredEarly Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice andSCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.Persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional IncomeFor Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for RetiredPersonnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who got AIDS orHERPES is not eligible to be SHAFTed or SCREWed any more.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive asmuch SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHITit gives employees. S
hould you feel that you do not receiveenough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor.
They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,

The Management

(Computer generated Notice. No Signature is required).