LET THIS TRUE STORY SERVE AS A WARNING
>
> To the men: warn your loved ones!
> To the women : remember this!
>
> About a month ago there was a woman standing by the Mega
> Mall entrance passing out flyers to all the women going in.
> The woman had written the flyer herself to tell about an
> experience she had, so that she might warn other women.
>
> The previous day, this woman had finished shopping, went
> out to her car and discovered that she had a flat tyre. She got
> the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat tyre. A
> nice man dressed in business suit and carrying a briefcase
> walked up to her and said,
>
> 'I notice you're changing a flat tyre. Would you
> like me to take care of it for you?'
>
> The woman was grateful for his offer and accepted his help.
> They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and
> then put the flat tyre and the jack in the trunk, shut it
> and dusted his hands off.
>
> The woman thanked him profusely, and as she was about to
> get in her car, the man told her that he left his car around
> on the other side of the mall, and asked if she would mind
> giving him a lift to his car. She was a little surprised and
> asked him why his car was on the other side. He explained
> that he had met an old friend in the mall whom he hadn't
> seen for some time and they had a bite to eat and visited
> for a while; he turned around in the mall and left
> through the wrong exit, and now he was running late and his
> car was clear around on the other side of the mall.
>
> The woman hated to tell him 'no' because he had
> just rescued her from having to change her flat tire all by
> herself, but she felt uneasy. Then she remembered seeing the
> man put his briefcase in her trunk before shutting it and
> before he asked her for the ride to his car.
>
> She told him that she'd be happy to drive him to his
> car, but she just remembered one last thing she needed to
> buy. She said she would only be a few minutes; he could sit
> down in her car and wait for her; she would be as quick as
> she could be. She hurried into the mall, and told a security
> guard what had happened; the guard came out to her car with
> her, but the man had left.
>
> They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and
> took it down to the police station. The police opened it
> ( to look for ID so they could return it to the
> man). What they found was rope, duct tape and knives.
>
> When the police checked her 'flat' tyre, there was
> nothing wrong with it; the air had simply been let out. It
> was obvious what the man's motive was, and obvious that
> he had carefully thought it out in advance.
>
> The woman was blessed to have escaped unharm. How much worse
> it would have been had she waited in the car while the man
> fixed the tyre, or if she had a baby strapped into a car
> seat. Or if she'd gone against her judgment and given
> him a lift. I'd like you to forward this to all the women you
> know.
>
> It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another
> candle.
> I was going to send this to the ladies only; but guys, if you love
> your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want
> to pass it on to them as well.
>
> Send this to any woman you know that may need to be
> reminded that there are alot of crazy people who live in this earth
we live in better, to be safe than sorry.
>
>
> PLEASE BE SAFE AND NOT SORRY!
>
> JUST A WARNING TO ALWAYS BE ALERT AND USE YOUR HEAD!!!
>
>
> Pass this along to every woman you meet. Never let your
> guard down.
>
> SOMETIMES, THAT FEELING IN YOUR GUT IS THE VOICE OF GOD.
> TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!
Friday, February 19, 2010
What It Takes To Go To Heaven
I was testing the children
in my Sunday school class
[]
to see if they understood the concept
of getting to heaven.
[]
I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car,
[]
had a big garage sale
[]
and gave all my money
[]
to the church,
[]
Would that get me into Heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
[]
'If I cleaned the church every day,
[]
mowed the yard,
[]
and kept everything neat and tidy,
would that get me into Heaven?'
Again, the answer was, 'NO!'
By now I was starting to smile.
[]
Hey, this was fun!
'Well, then, if I was kind to animals
[]
and gave candy
[]
to all the children,
[]
and loved my husband,
[]
would that get me into Heaven?'
[]
I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, 'NO!'
[]
I was just bursting with pride for them.
'Well,' I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'
A five-year-old boy shouted out,
'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.'
in my Sunday school class
[]
to see if they understood the concept
of getting to heaven.
[]
I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car,
[]
had a big garage sale
[]
and gave all my money
[]
to the church,
[]
Would that get me into Heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
[]
'If I cleaned the church every day,
[]
mowed the yard,
[]
and kept everything neat and tidy,
would that get me into Heaven?'
Again, the answer was, 'NO!'
By now I was starting to smile.
[]
Hey, this was fun!
'Well, then, if I was kind to animals
[]
and gave candy
[]
to all the children,
[]
and loved my husband,
[]
would that get me into Heaven?'
[]
I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, 'NO!'
[]
I was just bursting with pride for them.
'Well,' I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'
A five-year-old boy shouted out,
'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.'
動人心弦的小男孩 (Little Boy Touches Hearts)
Don't DRUNK and DRIVE!!!
> 動人心弦的小男孩 (Little Boy Touches Hearts)
>
> I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.
> 我在「塔杰」商店閒逛時，看到收銀員將一些錢退還給小男孩。
>
> The boy couldn ' t have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
> 這男孩不過5、6歲。
>
> The Cashier said, ' I ' m sorry, but you don ' t have enough money to buy this doll. '
> 收銀員說：『抱歉！你買這娃娃的錢不夠。』
>
> Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ' ' Granny,
> are you sure I don ' t have enough money? ' '
> 小男孩轉向他旁邊的老婦人：
> 「奶奶！妳也認為我的錢不 嗎？」
>
> The old lady replied: ' ' You know that you don ' t have enough money to buy this doll, my dear. ' '
> 老婦人回道：「親愛的！你知道買這個娃娃的錢是不夠的。」
>
> Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.
> 她要小男孩呆在那裡5分鐘，她一下就回來。 她迅速離開了。
>
> The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
> 小男孩的手仍然握著娃娃。
>
> Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
> 最後我向他走去，問他這個娃娃你想給誰。
>
> 'It ' s the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
> 『這是我妹妹的最愛，非常想要的聖誕節娃娃。
>
> She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her. '
> 她一直認為聖誕老人會帶娃娃來給她的。」
> I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
> 我告訴他不用擔心，聖誕老人最後可能會帶給她的。
>
> But he replied to me sadly. ' No, Santa Claus can ' t bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to
> my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there. '
> 但他哀傷地回答我『不！聖誕老人不可能將它帶到她現在的地方給她。我必須將娃娃交給我媽，當她去那裡的時候可以給我妹
> 妹。』
>
>
> His eyes were so sad while saying this. ' My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see
> God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister. ' '
> 他說話時的眼睛是哀傷的。『我妹妹已經和上帝在一起。爸爸說 媽媽很快也將要去見上帝，因此我認為她可以將娃娃帶給我妹
> 妹。』
>
> My heart nearly stopped.
> 我的心臟幾乎要停止了。
>
> The little boy looked up at me and said: ' I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I
> come back from the mall. '
> 小男孩看我說：『我叫爸爸告訴媽媽現在不要走，讓她等我從購物中心回來。』
>
> Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then told me ' I want mommy to take my picture
> with her so she won ' t forget me. '
> 然後他拿出一張他自己非常漂亮的相片給我看。他笑著告訴我『我要媽媽帶著我的相片，這樣她就不會忘記我了。』
>
> 'I love my mommy and I wish she didn ' t have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little
> sister. '
> 『我愛我的媽媽，我希望她不要離開我，但是爸爸說她必須去找我妹妹。』
>
> Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
> 然後他安靜地用哀傷的眼睛再看著娃娃。
>
> I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. ' Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough
> money for the doll! ' '
> 我趕緊摸著錢包對小男孩說『我們再檢查一下，說不定您有足夠的錢買玩偶! 』
>
> 'OK ' he said, ' I hope I do have enough. ' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to
> count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
> 『好呀！』他說『我希望有足夠的錢』。沒讓他看見，我塞了一些錢到他的錢包中，我們開始數錢。買娃娃的錢足 了，甚之還有剩
> 餘呢。
>
> The little boy said: ' Thank you God for giving me enough money! '
> 小男孩說：『謝謝上帝給了我足 的錢!』
>
> Then he looked at me and added, ' I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money
> to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me! ' '
> 然而他看著我補充說『昨晚睡前，我要求上帝讓我的錢能足夠買這個娃娃，因此媽媽能將它帶給我妹妹。祂聽見我了! 』
>
> 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn ' t dare to ask God for too much.
> But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. ' '
> 『我也想有足夠的錢買一朵白玫瑰給我媽媽，但我不敢要求上帝太多。但祂給的錢足 買娃娃和一朵白玫瑰了。』
>
> 'My mommy loves white roses. '
> 『我媽媽喜歡白玫瑰』。
>
> A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.
> 幾分鐘後，老婦人回來了。我也就提了購物籃離開了。
>
> I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I started.
> 我從一開始就在完全不同的心境下購物。
>
> I couldn ' t get the little boy out of my mind.
> 小男孩一直無法離開我的心境。
>
> Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car
> occupied by a young
> woman and a little girl.
> 我想起兩天前當地報紙的一篇文章，提及一位醉酒卡車司機，撞上了一輛載著年輕少婦和一個小女孩的汽車。
>
>
> The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical
> state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the
> life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
> 小女孩當場死亡，母親呈現彌留狀態。 這個家庭必須決定是否要拔出維持生命機器的插管
> ，因為年輕少婦不可能從昏迷中恢復。
>
> Was this the family of the little boy?
> 他就是這家庭的小男孩？
>
> Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
> 碰到小男孩的二天之後，我看了報紙年輕少婦過世了。
>
> I couldn ' t stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the
> young woman was for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
> 我不自主的買了一束白玫瑰，來到喪家，年輕少婦的遺體在她埋葬前讓人瞻仰與最後許願。
>
> She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the
> doll placed over her chest.
> 她在那裡，裝在棺木中，在她的手中握著一朵白玫瑰和小男孩的相片，娃娃則放置在她的胸口。
>
> I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for
> his mother and his sister is
> still, to this day, hard to imagine.
> 我離開了這裡，眼淚奪眶而出，覺得我的人生已經永遠改變了。至今，小男孩對他母親和妹妹的愛，仍然難以想像。
>
> And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
> 就在一轉眼工夫，一位醉酒司機奪去了他的所有。
>
> Now you have 2 choices:
> 現在你有2個選擇：
>
> 1) Send this message to others, or
> 1) 寄發這則消息他人，或者
>
> 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.
> 2) 不理它，好像它從未觸動您的心弦。
> 動人心弦的小男孩 (Little Boy Touches Hearts)
>
> I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.
> 我在「塔杰」商店閒逛時，看到收銀員將一些錢退還給小男孩。
>
> The boy couldn ' t have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
> 這男孩不過5、6歲。
>
> The Cashier said, ' I ' m sorry, but you don ' t have enough money to buy this doll. '
> 收銀員說：『抱歉！你買這娃娃的錢不夠。』
>
> Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ' ' Granny,
> are you sure I don ' t have enough money? ' '
> 小男孩轉向他旁邊的老婦人：
> 「奶奶！妳也認為我的錢不 嗎？」
>
> The old lady replied: ' ' You know that you don ' t have enough money to buy this doll, my dear. ' '
> 老婦人回道：「親愛的！你知道買這個娃娃的錢是不夠的。」
>
> Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.
> 她要小男孩呆在那裡5分鐘，她一下就回來。 她迅速離開了。
>
> The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
> 小男孩的手仍然握著娃娃。
>
> Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
> 最後我向他走去，問他這個娃娃你想給誰。
>
> 'It ' s the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
> 『這是我妹妹的最愛，非常想要的聖誕節娃娃。
>
> She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her. '
> 她一直認為聖誕老人會帶娃娃來給她的。」
> I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
> 我告訴他不用擔心，聖誕老人最後可能會帶給她的。
>
> But he replied to me sadly. ' No, Santa Claus can ' t bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to
> my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there. '
> 但他哀傷地回答我『不！聖誕老人不可能將它帶到她現在的地方給她。我必須將娃娃交給我媽，當她去那裡的時候可以給我妹
> 妹。』
>
>
> His eyes were so sad while saying this. ' My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see
> God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister. ' '
> 他說話時的眼睛是哀傷的。『我妹妹已經和上帝在一起。爸爸說 媽媽很快也將要去見上帝，因此我認為她可以將娃娃帶給我妹
> 妹。』
>
> My heart nearly stopped.
> 我的心臟幾乎要停止了。
>
> The little boy looked up at me and said: ' I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I
> come back from the mall. '
> 小男孩看我說：『我叫爸爸告訴媽媽現在不要走，讓她等我從購物中心回來。』
>
> Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then told me ' I want mommy to take my picture
> with her so she won ' t forget me. '
> 然後他拿出一張他自己非常漂亮的相片給我看。他笑著告訴我『我要媽媽帶著我的相片，這樣她就不會忘記我了。』
>
> 'I love my mommy and I wish she didn ' t have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little
> sister. '
> 『我愛我的媽媽，我希望她不要離開我，但是爸爸說她必須去找我妹妹。』
>
> Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
> 然後他安靜地用哀傷的眼睛再看著娃娃。
>
> I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. ' Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough
> money for the doll! ' '
> 我趕緊摸著錢包對小男孩說『我們再檢查一下，說不定您有足夠的錢買玩偶! 』
>
> 'OK ' he said, ' I hope I do have enough. ' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to
> count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
> 『好呀！』他說『我希望有足夠的錢』。沒讓他看見，我塞了一些錢到他的錢包中，我們開始數錢。買娃娃的錢足 了，甚之還有剩
> 餘呢。
>
> The little boy said: ' Thank you God for giving me enough money! '
> 小男孩說：『謝謝上帝給了我足 的錢!』
>
> Then he looked at me and added, ' I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money
> to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me! ' '
> 然而他看著我補充說『昨晚睡前，我要求上帝讓我的錢能足夠買這個娃娃，因此媽媽能將它帶給我妹妹。祂聽見我了! 』
>
> 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn ' t dare to ask God for too much.
> But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. ' '
> 『我也想有足夠的錢買一朵白玫瑰給我媽媽，但我不敢要求上帝太多。但祂給的錢足 買娃娃和一朵白玫瑰了。』
>
> 'My mommy loves white roses. '
> 『我媽媽喜歡白玫瑰』。
>
> A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.
> 幾分鐘後，老婦人回來了。我也就提了購物籃離開了。
>
> I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I started.
> 我從一開始就在完全不同的心境下購物。
>
> I couldn ' t get the little boy out of my mind.
> 小男孩一直無法離開我的心境。
>
> Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car
> occupied by a young
> woman and a little girl.
> 我想起兩天前當地報紙的一篇文章，提及一位醉酒卡車司機，撞上了一輛載著年輕少婦和一個小女孩的汽車。
>
>
> The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical
> state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the
> life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
> 小女孩當場死亡，母親呈現彌留狀態。 這個家庭必須決定是否要拔出維持生命機器的插管
> ，因為年輕少婦不可能從昏迷中恢復。
>
> Was this the family of the little boy?
> 他就是這家庭的小男孩？
>
> Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
> 碰到小男孩的二天之後，我看了報紙年輕少婦過世了。
>
> I couldn ' t stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the
> young woman was for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
> 我不自主的買了一束白玫瑰，來到喪家，年輕少婦的遺體在她埋葬前讓人瞻仰與最後許願。
>
> She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the
> doll placed over her chest.
> 她在那裡，裝在棺木中，在她的手中握著一朵白玫瑰和小男孩的相片，娃娃則放置在她的胸口。
>
> I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for
> his mother and his sister is
> still, to this day, hard to imagine.
> 我離開了這裡，眼淚奪眶而出，覺得我的人生已經永遠改變了。至今，小男孩對他母親和妹妹的愛，仍然難以想像。
>
> And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
> 就在一轉眼工夫，一位醉酒司機奪去了他的所有。
>
> Now you have 2 choices:
> 現在你有2個選擇：
>
> 1) Send this message to others, or
> 1) 寄發這則消息他人，或者
>
> 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.
> 2) 不理它，好像它從未觸動您的心弦。
提到結婚
以前提到結婚，想到「天長地久」；現在提到結婚，想到「能撐多久」。
當初會結婚，說是「看上眼」；後來會離婚，說是「看走眼」。
婚前，愛情是「神話」；婚後，愛情是「笑話」。
男人花錢，是為了讓女人「高興」；女人花錢，是因為男人讓她「不高興」。
嫁入「豪門」，要懂得理財；嫁入「寒門」，要懂得生財。
以前的人，視婚姻生活為「一輩子」；現代的人，視婚姻生活為「一陣子」。
婚前，男人在「餐廳」等女人；婚後，女人在「客廳」等男人。
婚前，男人經常找女人「討論」；婚後，男人只告訴女人「結論」。
婚前，男人對她「悄悄」講話；婚後，男人對她「大聲」講話。
戀愛時，「情話綿綿」；結婚後，「謊話連連」。
戀愛時的男人，喜歡「毛手毛腳」；結婚後的男人，變成「沒手沒腳」。
婚前，情侶做什麼都是「浪漫」；婚後，夫妻做什麼都是「浪費」。
想結婚，是「自己」已能獨立；想離婚，是「子女」已獨立。
婚前的男人，大都很「幽默」；婚後的男人，大都很「沉默」。
女人的記性，吵架時「最好」；男人的耐 性，結婚後「最差」。
戀愛時，一見面就「親嘴」；結婚後，一見面就「鬥嘴」。
婚前，男人常給女人「空白支票」；婚後，男人常給女人「空頭支票」。
戀愛時，生活「妙不可言」；結婚後，日子「苦不堪言」。
婚前，男人天天盯著女人；婚後，女人天天盯著男人。
熱戀時，總相許下輩子「再結良緣」；結婚後，懷疑上輩子「造作孽緣」。
大男人，會「作威作福」；好男人，會「作牛作馬」。
婚前，「謊話」都是「情話」；婚後，「情話」都是「廢話」。
婚前，「靠近」一點；婚後，「閃開」一點。
婚前，「沒話找話說」；婚後，「有話也不說」。
「成功」對男人的定義是指能「賺」很多的錢，對女人的定義是指能「花」很多的錢。
男人有錢就變壞，女人變壞就有錢。
男人沒有女人，「耳根清淨」；女人沒有男人，「家居乾淨」。
男人[入錯行],上班會很痛苦；女人「嫁錯郎」,下班會很痛苦。
好女人，養壞男人的胃口；壞女人，吊足男人的胃口。
婚前，男人像「傳令兵」；婚後，男人像「指挥官」。
當初會結婚，說是「看上眼」；後來會離婚，說是「看走眼」。
婚前，愛情是「神話」；婚後，愛情是「笑話」。
男人花錢，是為了讓女人「高興」；女人花錢，是因為男人讓她「不高興」。
嫁入「豪門」，要懂得理財；嫁入「寒門」，要懂得生財。
以前的人，視婚姻生活為「一輩子」；現代的人，視婚姻生活為「一陣子」。
婚前，男人在「餐廳」等女人；婚後，女人在「客廳」等男人。
婚前，男人經常找女人「討論」；婚後，男人只告訴女人「結論」。
婚前，男人對她「悄悄」講話；婚後，男人對她「大聲」講話。
戀愛時，「情話綿綿」；結婚後，「謊話連連」。
戀愛時的男人，喜歡「毛手毛腳」；結婚後的男人，變成「沒手沒腳」。
婚前，情侶做什麼都是「浪漫」；婚後，夫妻做什麼都是「浪費」。
想結婚，是「自己」已能獨立；想離婚，是「子女」已獨立。
婚前的男人，大都很「幽默」；婚後的男人，大都很「沉默」。
女人的記性，吵架時「最好」；男人的耐 性，結婚後「最差」。
戀愛時，一見面就「親嘴」；結婚後，一見面就「鬥嘴」。
婚前，男人常給女人「空白支票」；婚後，男人常給女人「空頭支票」。
戀愛時，生活「妙不可言」；結婚後，日子「苦不堪言」。
婚前，男人天天盯著女人；婚後，女人天天盯著男人。
熱戀時，總相許下輩子「再結良緣」；結婚後，懷疑上輩子「造作孽緣」。
大男人，會「作威作福」；好男人，會「作牛作馬」。
婚前，「謊話」都是「情話」；婚後，「情話」都是「廢話」。
婚前，「靠近」一點；婚後，「閃開」一點。
婚前，「沒話找話說」；婚後，「有話也不說」。
「成功」對男人的定義是指能「賺」很多的錢，對女人的定義是指能「花」很多的錢。
男人有錢就變壞，女人變壞就有錢。
男人沒有女人，「耳根清淨」；女人沒有男人，「家居乾淨」。
男人[入錯行],上班會很痛苦；女人「嫁錯郎」,下班會很痛苦。
好女人，養壞男人的胃口；壞女人，吊足男人的胃口。
婚前，男人像「傳令兵」；婚後，男人像「指挥官」。
7 reasons not to mess with children
7 reasons not to mess with children.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, just remember if it made you laugh, your friends will laugh too!
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, just remember if it made you laugh, your friends will laugh too!
征婚条件
一位女子，开出征婚条件有两点
1.要帅
2.要有车
电脑去帮她搜寻 结果:象棋
这位女子，不服搜出的结果又输入
1.要有漂亮的房子
2.要有很多钱
电脑去帮她再次搜寻的结果:银行
此女子仍然不失望，继续输入条件
1要长得酷
2又要有安全感
结果搜出的结果是:ultraman
此女子仍然不失望，还继续输入条件
1.要帅
2.要有车
3.要有漂亮的房子
4.要有很多钱
5要长得酷
6又要有安全感
结果。。。。。。。
电脑去帮她再次搜寻的结果: ultraman在银行玩象棋/-------
1.要帅
2.要有车
电脑去帮她搜寻 结果:象棋
这位女子，不服搜出的结果又输入
1.要有漂亮的房子
2.要有很多钱
电脑去帮她再次搜寻的结果:银行
此女子仍然不失望，继续输入条件
1要长得酷
2又要有安全感
结果搜出的结果是:ultraman
此女子仍然不失望，还继续输入条件
1.要帅
2.要有车
3.要有漂亮的房子
4.要有很多钱
5要长得酷
6又要有安全感
结果。。。。。。。
电脑去帮她再次搜寻的结果: ultraman在银行玩象棋/-------
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Do you know why the police stopped them?
Do you know why the police stopped them?
because she removed the helmet
because she removed the helmet
The Mayonnaise Jar
The Mayonnaise Jar
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 hours in a day is not enough;
remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise
jar and start to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand
filled up everything else
He asked once more if the jar was full...
The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire
contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions.
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else -- The small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.
'Take care of the golf balls first -- The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'
Please share this with other "Golf Balls"
Hope this story will bring you a great life....
Ps: Please consider the environment before printing this email.
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 hours in a day is not enough;
remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise
jar and start to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand
filled up everything else
He asked once more if the jar was full...
The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire
contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions.
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else -- The small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.
'Take care of the golf balls first -- The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'
Please share this with other "Golf Balls"
Hope this story will bring you a great life....
Ps: Please consider the environment before printing this email.
Change Your Thoughts
Change Your Thoughts
It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
'Today is a gift, that is why it is called "The Present!"
The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.
Do not keep this letter.
I pray you will forward it to all your friends to whom you wish God's blessings.
It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
'Today is a gift, that is why it is called "The Present!"
The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.
Do not keep this letter.
I pray you will forward it to all your friends to whom you wish God's blessings.
Amazing anagrams
This has got to be one of the cleverest
I've received in awhile. Someone out there
must be "deadly" at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!
I've received in awhile. Someone out there
must be "deadly" at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Quick laugh
Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mother : David, come here.
David : Yes, mum?
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know?
Daughter : She didn't say anything.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: 'Where were u born?'
Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher: 'Which part?'
Student: 'All of me, Sir.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?'
Only one hand shot up.
'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mother : David, come here.
David : Yes, mum?
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know?
Daughter : She didn't say anything.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: 'Where were u born?'
Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher: 'Which part?'
Student: 'All of me, Sir.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?'
Only one hand shot up.
'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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